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Dating Behind Your Parents’ Backs

December 6, 2014

Stole this from someone’s blog a while ago…this will definitely help out a lot of my foreign friends.

The Dating-Behind-Your-Parents’-Backs Commandments

Follow these simple rules, and things should run smoothly…

1. Telleth not thy parents.

Under no circumstances should you tell your parents. No matter how understanding you think they might be, telling them will result in exile to Siberia.

2. Notify thy friends of thine alibis.

If you ever use a friend as an alibi, NOTIFY THAT FRIEND! It’s really sad when I get a call from a friend’s parents that sound like this:
Me: Hello.
Parent: Hey how’s the dance?
Me: What dance?
Parent: Is *insert name* with you?
Me: Umm…no…I’m at home.
Parent: Well forget about talking to *Insert name* for a very long time. His ass is grass.

3. Details details details…

Nothing’s worse than getting caught in a web of lies, so make sure all details are covered with your friends. God knows this looks pathetic:
Parent: So where were you?
You: I was at a dance.
Parent: Really? Where was this dance?
You: Roosevelt.
Parent: But Adam said the dance was at Wootton…
Real smooth, jackass.

4. Cover thy tracks.

This includes IM windows, emails, birthday cards, letters, pictures, etc. A surefire way to get caught is to leave an IM window up that reads:
Girlfriend’s Exact Name 87: I love you so much. What time are you coming over?
You: I love you too. Around 8 PM…I told my parents I was going to a dance so I gotta be home around 11.
Girlfriend’s Exact Name 87: Cool, remember to bring the condoms OK?
Case and point.

5. Honor thy household.

If you’re going to do it (which I heavily oppose), keep the hanky-panky outta the house. Getting caught in the house doing your business is a great way to get sent back to *insert country*

6. Tell thy friends of thy parents’ rules.

You have a friend come over for dinner. At the dinner table, your friend discusses how you guys went on a double-date last week. Oops! Tell him the rules next time, jackass…

7. Thy siblings matter too.

Make sure your siblings are on the same page as you. They can serve as great allies if they know what’s going on. But pay attention to what they think, because no one knows you better than them.

Follow these rules and you’ll sail problem-free. Violate them, and baaaad stuff will happen.

Some of you also need to read the book mentioned below.

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 30, 2009 9:44 PM

    Looking back at your last post I can understand why the need for this but I find it so funny. Only teenagers would need to do this I thing, LOL. Good tips…Happy new year in advance.

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