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December 6, 2014

Naija joke of the day:

UGLY CHILD

One day, a Nigerian woman got on a bus with her new baby.

On entering, the driver exclaimed that the baby she was holding was the ugliest creature he’d ever seen in his life.

The woman felt bad and insulted but ignored the driver’s comment and went right to the back seat on the bus.

After settling down, the woman told her seat mate about the driver’s comment. The woman got angry in sympathy and said, “Go back up front and tell him off! I will hold your monkey for you!”

I’M NOT NIGERIAN…REALLY!

A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided to marry a Swedish woman in order to be legally certified via resident status… but the woman was not aware of this. She felt he really loved her. Anyway, seeing that Nigerian men had a bad rap in that particular part of Sweden, our chap decided to lie to the lady. He told her he was from Uganda.

After being married a while, the lady came home one day and informed our man that she had just met another Swedish lady who had married a Ugandan and they must all have dinner together.

The Naija man was worried and wondered how he’d get out of this wahala (trouble). He postponed and postponed the dinner until he couldn’t find anymore excuses.

Finally, the day came when they were to have dinner. The other Swede came in with her Ugandan husband and they all sat at the table. Our Naija guy was very quiet. “My own don spoil today” was all he could think.

The two Swedish ladies, wanting their husbands to mingle, being from the same homeland, asked them to speak to each other. “Hey! It’s not every day you meet people from home.!”

Our Naija man, being a man of great sense, decided that he would just speak Yoruba, and the guy would probably assume he was from some part of Uganda where they spoke a different language. So looking across the table he said: “Egbon Eko ni mi se! Ni bo lo ti ja wa?”( In Yoruba, this means: “I’m a Lagos man. Where do you come from?”)

The fellow looked up at our friend. His eyes lit up as he said: “Ah, bobo gan! Omo Eko ni mi Se! Omo Eko gan gan!” (In Yoruba, this means “Hey buddy! I’m a Lagos child. A REAL Lagos child.”)

Airport Crime Test

A study was conducted recently to determine the average crime rate at international airports around the world.

The study made use of an ordinary looking man standing in the airport terminal and reading a newspaper. He had an empty briefcase next to him, which he would ignore. Observers then recorded how long it took for the briefcase to be snatched.

In Brussels, Belgium the case was stolen within 4 minutes and 20 seconds.

In Washington DC it was stolen within 3 minutes and 16 seconds.

At Heathrow, London the briefcase was snatched in less than 2 minutes.

In New York, the case was stolen within 1 minute and 5 seconds.

In Los Angeles it took only 43 seconds before the case was snatched.

At Lagos, Nigeria, the people conducting the study were robbed on the way to the airport and the briefcase was stolen along with the car!

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