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I Shit You Not! (More Adventures at the Bank)

June 10, 2010
I could have sworn I told you guys about the goodbye gift that I received from one of my customers on my last day working downtown but apparently I never did.  Well, it’s never too late to tell an interesting story! I must warn you, though, that this story is not for those who are easily irritated by grossness.

On that Friday morning last October, the possibilities were endless; I had graduated just a few months before and had just been informed a few days earlier about my promotion at work. Sadly, the promotion meant that I would be transferred to a new branch and would no longer be working downtown. It was a bittersweet situation because I loved my coworkers who had become like a second family to me during my 520 day tenure at the branch but I knew that I had to move on to better things.

So, it was my last day there and I was helping my last customer as a teller. He was a familiar face at the bank and during the transaction he asked if we had “a bathroom for people.”  ‘A bathroom for people? Are there bathrooms for animals?’ I thought to myself. I was about to Google “bathrooms for animals” but I stopped and decided to leave that till I got home.  I don’t want their reason for terminating me to be “inappropriate displays of interest in bestiality.” I told him that for security reasons we had no public restrooms but he could use the one in the restaurant next door. He said that it was too late for that and he went to sit down on one of the very expensive, upholstered seats in the lobby.  I was a bit confused by what he meant by “too late” but I continued with his transaction.

A few moments later he walked very stiffly up to my window to get his money.  Maybe its an innate thing but even though I wasn’t looking up when it happened I could feel the man unclench his butt cheeks and release.  My feeling was confirmed a few moments later by what can only be described as a bitch slap to my olfactory system. Then it (mentally) hit me…a grown man just shit his pants in front of me.

Now, some of you might remember the story about the lady urinating in the bank but this definitely takes the cake! After regaining my bearings I still couldn’t move my mouth to release the jumbled words that were being formed in my head.  What do you say to a seemingly healthy man who just shit himself…in public? My manager answered by asking him to leave.  Actually, what she said (with her Guinean accent) was “Sir, you have to leave RIGHT NOW!” He said okay and pulled out his cell phone.  As he walked away, though, he left a trail of “gifts” for us…sliding down his leg and onto the carpet….I think you know where this is going so I won’t horrify you with the gruesome details.  Right before he stepped out, I remember him yelling into the phone, “Come and pick me up from the bank, I don’ soiled myself!” It’s a funny story now but I think I actually vomited when it happened.

The stench that covered the bank was unbearable.  Even an hour after he left the smell seemed to only get worse. We couldn’t leave until the janitors arrived to clean up the mess so we were basically locked inside a giant toilet. We found some medical face masks in the supply room, which leads me to believe that this wasn’t the first time that something like this had happened in the bank. Even after spraying perfume into the masks, the odor still permeated the masks and our clothes. I went home, quite literally, smelling like shit.

I don’t really remember what I did after I got home but more than likely it involved, a hot shower, some lighter fluid, a match, and my clothes in a fiery pile.

When all was said and done, though, I knew I was going to miss working downtown. All the crazy things happen downtown.

Side note: Solomonsydelle organized a meetup last weekend for bloggers in the DMV area.  It was an open invitation and although everyone canceled at the last minute, Ikedot and I made it out there and I’m glad I went. We discussed politics, family, blogging etc. and I look forward to seeing her again.  You DMV bloggers better make yourselves available next time!
 I wish I had done it earlier…she lives literally five minutes away from me! I’ll make a post about the meet-up later.

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. June 10, 2010 2:21 PM

    Nastiness!!

  2. June 10, 2010 6:43 PM

    pls tell me u kid…a grown up man? soiled himself? in a bank? oh my! what a gift!

  3. June 11, 2010 1:31 PM

    *laughing*

  4. June 11, 2010 2:19 PM

    Oh my goodness. I wonder who picked him up from the bank.

  5. June 14, 2010 8:30 AM

    hehehe..I feel bad for the older gentleman, but this ish (all puns intended) is funny!!!!So good meeting and hanging with ya babe!

  6. June 14, 2010 9:48 AM

    Gross

  7. June 14, 2010 9:53 AM

    Omg! I don't even know what I'd do if that happened in front of me. Ew

  8. June 14, 2010 3:16 PM

    Eh yah, poor man..i would be totally horrifed, for him..but having to endure that stench, eh?

  9. June 14, 2010 4:54 PM

    OMG, I was just gagging there. inyama!I missed the meet up but will like to read the update. Una do!

  10. June 14, 2010 7:01 PM

    Wow… I kinda feel sorry for him, that must have been an unpleasant sight.

  11. June 22, 2010 4:58 AM

    funny as it is, i feel really sorry for the guy…that is some serious embarrasement

  12. June 30, 2010 6:25 AM

    • wow, maybe he has a medical problem, but he can wear diapers now

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