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More Adventures at the Bank

January 24, 2008

It had been a pretty dull day at the bank, but as you should all know by now, there is no such thing as a dull day at the bank. I was getting ready to write the day off as uninteresting, when a man walked into the bank and, rather than waiting in line like a normal human being, walked straight up to one of the teller’s windows and demanded that the teller deposit a million dollars into his account and give him $5000 cash back. There were several things wrong with this picture, so it came as no surprise that if a pin had dropped at that exact moment, we would have all been able to point out the source of the noise.

As I was saying, there were several things wrong with this picture:

1. There has never been, nor will there ever be such a thing as a real million dollar bill

2. The maximum amount of cash that you can withdraw in a day (without a prior request) is $3000

3. Where the hell did he get a million dollar bill from?

4. Did he not see the sign that states “please WAIT IN LINE for the next available teller.”

5. He genuinely believed that he was a million dollars richer

6. He was one of our customers from the mental health center so this was definitely going to be interesting.

After the initial shock the teller calmly explained to him that “sir, there is no such thing as a million dollar bill. Even if it were real I can’t give you back more than $3000 today.” He didn’t believe the teller, so the supervisor explained it…then the manager…


“What the hell do you mean this ain’t real? If it were fake there’d be a picture of Judge Joe Brown on the damn money, so don’t tell me it’s fake. I just sold my house man…I just got out of jail and sold my house for this money. And ya’ll are gonna tell me it ain’t even real?? Nah…Ya’ll can make an appointment with the FBI if you want, but I want my damn money!”

At this point I had to go to the back room because I could no longer hold the laughter…and he continued yelling to the point where the manager had to ask him to leave. He refused to leave, said that there was a way that he would get his money or we would all pay for it. Kept saying that we should call the FBI if we don’t believe it’s real.

Eventually he stopped being amusing and turned into a nuisance so we just ignored him. Then about 30 minutes later, when he realized that he really wasn’t going to get his $5000, let alone the million dollars, he started grumbling and walked out.

Ah, I love my job.

26 Comments leave one →
  1. January 24, 2008 12:34 PM

    Hilarious! Next you’ll say those people who send me emails telling me that they’re going to deposit a portion of their multi-million dollar fortune in my bank account if I help them out are fakes!Say it ain’t so!

  2. January 24, 2008 1:28 PM


  3. January 24, 2008 3:15 PM

    lawlthe mental case you have there cannot be compared with naija bank!You need to see to understandA customer once said he was going to carry our ATM machine away!Pray tell how can he do that ?Enjoy!

  4. January 24, 2008 7:17 PM

    thats just like the FBI – u know i did my post doc in nigeria, lived in owerri for 16 months albeit i was all over that camp

  5. January 25, 2008 3:33 AM

    That was v.v. funnyI wasn’t making fun of his illness though, just the situation.How are you, ‘rayo

  6. January 25, 2008 5:32 AM

    Poor man! He must have thought he was Bill gates already!lol!

  7. January 25, 2008 7:20 AM

    You know what: you should try and get the live feed of the security cameras and put them up so we can see these things happening. If anything, can you imagine that kind of scenario in Niaja?

  8. January 25, 2008 7:54 AM

    @ Jummy-No, those people are actually real millionaires. Matter of fact you should send them as much money as possible in order to ensure that the transaction is as smooth as possible.@ Jaycee-That’s what I did…lol@ Darkelcee-lmao!! You need to read my previous “Adventures at the Bank posts.@ Torrance-Really, interesting. What was the most important thing you learned during your stay?@ Laspapi-I would hope you weren’t making fun of his illness…just his actions. I’m fine, how are you?@ Princesa-He might have felt like Bill Gates but he was dressed like Ali G. lol@ Aworan-Goodness I wish I was allowed to do that. I try my best to present hard evidence (like in the “Dear Santa & Tooth fairy” incident and the “lady driving into cement” incident, but I agree with you; there’s nothing like watching the events as they fold out.

  9. January 25, 2008 8:16 AM

    Hahahahaha, gosh! Poor man

  10. January 25, 2008 9:00 AM

    oh boy, that one na real mental case oh… sold his house ke… and all, haba, anyways, i am sure he is fine now…anyways, ki lon pops mehn, i am feeling your blog ohhhhh

  11. January 25, 2008 11:06 AM

    only in Naija…..that said…I have read all the books on your list…minus the love in time of cholera….I guess I should read it…

  12. January 25, 2008 2:28 PM

    i love u’re posts , just read them all… i know i’m jobless @ my job.I’ll be back for more ciao.

  13. January 25, 2008 10:01 PM

    how stupid not to know million dollar bills aint made….and u should get skme of my books nd add to he list…..and come on down i can provide friction LOL chk this out the name game

  14. January 26, 2008 6:24 PM

    have u heard about this machine called a camcorder?gurrrlllll, someone say YouTube…

  15. January 26, 2008 7:40 PM

    poor thing… i feel bad for him! lol

  16. January 27, 2008 12:36 AM

    @ Sha-Poor man, abi rich man? lol@ Anu-I haven’t seen him since that day so hope he’s fine. I’m almost sure he went to another bank and tried the same thing with them. Thanks for ‘feeling’ my blog…it’s ‘feeling’ you too. lol@Pamelastitch-But it didn’t happen in naija! that’s the crazy part. Yea, you should read love in the time of cholera and heart of darkness (both by the same author). They’re slow at first, but then they get really interesting.@Nigerican-aww you’re making me blush…thank you. And don’t feel jobless; it takes a lot of work to point and click, let alone the constant eye movement that comes with reading. You’re not jobless at all.@Torrance-Muy interesante…hmm, I need to look up your books then…and yes, friction…friction is good.@Catwalq-I think I just might do that-set up a hidden camera. And can you believe that something crazy happened again today? Goodness, never a dull day.@efjay-why do you feel bad for him? My 5 year old cousin knows that million dollar bills don’t exist.

  17. January 27, 2008 9:02 PM

    lol! now I want to know this bank where you work.lmao!!!

  18. January 28, 2008 11:40 AM

    First and foremost ” WHO THE HELL ALLOWS A CRACK HEAD INTO A BANK” Anyhoos but “WHO THE HELL ALLOWS A CRACK HEAD INTO A BANK” men i think say na only nija such things they happen oh! well at least something interesting happened for my girl

  19. January 28, 2008 3:15 PM

    Lol! Some mothers do have ’em! Did u notice joints falling outta his pocks?

  20. January 28, 2008 11:36 PM

    @Bumight-You’ve probably passed it before@Sasuke-We don’t discriminate is money, whether it’s coming from a crack head or not. And matter of fact American madness just might be worse than Naija madness@Yosh-hehehe no, he was really jittery though.

  21. January 29, 2008 1:20 PM

    LMAO . . . . Rayo Plleeeeeeez don’t let these crazy ppl infect you and reduce your bride price

  22. January 30, 2008 11:52 AM

    lmao!! I don’t think mommy would allow that to happen.

  23. January 30, 2008 2:37 PM

    Should have just called in the cops jare…those crazy ppl can do anything…at least he didnt bring in a scam cheque…

  24. January 31, 2008 12:17 PM

    wow!!! i did not know that working at a bank could be that interesting…i might even consider a career change in that direction if na so e be o!

  25. January 31, 2008 12:47 PM

    @Afrobabe-We called the cops during the public urination incident and they just hung up and never came. It’s a futile cause. Speaking of scam cheques, one lady came into the bank on Saturday with one then started cursing us out when we said we wouldn’t cash it.@Incog-Trust me, even if it’s as a part time job, I would recommend that everybody try it at least once in their lifetime.

  26. January 31, 2008 9:32 PM

    LMAO!! oh my goodness…..

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