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Adventures at the Bank

August 28, 2007

Note: I promise you that this is a true story.

So, I don’t know if I told you guys but I finally got a job about 2 months ago at a bank. It’s really nice, very interesting, and my branch has to be the most interesting branch in the history of banks. We get customers ranging from crack heads to mental patients (there’s a mental institution across the street), to affluent women who like to urinate in public.

“…pee in public” you ask? Yes, pee in public. And let me tell you how it happened.

So I was working in the bank on Saturday and we’d already had our share of crazies; from the crack head that came in scratching his butt and twitching…then started rubbing his forehead on the counter, to the crack head that came in singing and rapping (notice a pattern here?). Which is why I was so shocked when one of our very few sane customers came into the bank and performed an act that will definitely go down in customer service history.

So, Mrs. Cleopatra Jones (that’s her real name) is one the richest customers at our branch, she has hundreds of thousands of dollars in her bank accounts with us and owns several businesses. Anyways, she came into the bank after hitting someone in the parking lot with her car, and started complaining about having to use the bathroom. She asked the Customer Service Representative (CSR) whether she could use our bathroom in the back but due to security reasons she had to say no. The CSR did suggest though, that Mrs. Jones could use the bathroom in the restaurant next door (we’re located in a shopping center). She said no, that she wouldn’t be able to walk the whole 10 steps it would take to get there. Ok fine, then hold it in. The woman went through 4 DIFFERENT TRANSACTIONS!! And then that’s when she decided that she couldn’t hold it anymore. She asked the CSR to ask the manager for her so the the CSR went to ask the manager who was, at the time, working on something in the back room.

During this time, the lady decided that she could no longer hold her bladder and decided to sit down on the chair across from the manager’s desk. Then she did something that completely shocked everyone. She got up, dropped her pants and underwear, sat back on the chair and proceeded to urinate on the chair…then she got up, went behind the manager’s desk and sat in the manager’s seat, and also urinated on that too. Then she sat on another customer chair and peed on that too.

At this time, everybody was in too much shock to say anything. Except for the blind lady at my station that kept asking, “what’s going on? What is going on?” lol Then Mrs. Jones went into her purse, grabbed her hand sanitizer, and squirted a ring of it around the pee. Nobody said a word…

I swear to God, that if I’m lying, I’m dying. This woman walked out of the bank, peed in the trash can right outside of the bank, and left.

We called the police but i’m sure they hung up and started laughing because they never came. Anyways sha, we’re closing her accounts with us because she damaged bank property.

Now I know why my coworkers smoke marijuana on a daily basis.

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21 Comments leave one →
  1. August 28, 2007 11:33 PM

    LOL! Awesome

  2. August 29, 2007 2:47 AM

    That’s a clear example of ‘when you’ve got to go.” But, damn.. have some decorum, woman!! That must have been one full bladder!!

  3. August 29, 2007 2:48 AM

    Wow na real Kolomentality be dis o!.

  4. August 29, 2007 5:57 AM

    OMGOSHso y did she have to pee on the manager’s chair the customers chairand in the trash can…lolwell at lease she gets points for the hand sanitizer….thats one bizarre lady with a bladder problembut she’s clean…lolare you talking about that arizona weed? I tried some while in Marylandboy its hot out there

  5. August 29, 2007 7:50 AM

    Mary, mother of Jesus. Is this 4real? I’ll be fcuking damned. WTF!!!Someone should have videotaped it and load it on youtube 😦

  6. August 29, 2007 8:44 AM

    lol dis has got to be the craziest thing ive read yet…lol…i can totally imagine the shock on people’s faces..i wish i was dere.

  7. August 29, 2007 11:05 PM

    how won’t that happen where u work? I have told you, you are susceptible to strangeness

  8. August 30, 2007 6:05 AM

    i want you to swear that this really happened…lolshe must have been high on something…gosh! i agree with ugo, someone should have videotaped her

  9. August 30, 2007 6:52 AM

    Can I believe this!! oh God!….. this story sounds stange…I wish you had a camera and take her Picture….

  10. August 30, 2007 12:30 PM

    o.m.g.She wins :it:

  11. August 30, 2007 6:44 PM

    OMG! bawhahahahahaha how did you all not bust out laughing in her face. cleaerly the woman is off her rockers and y’all were just fooled into thinking she’s not a crackhead

  12. August 30, 2007 9:53 PM

    hmmmmmmm she dey crase for real real!!!

  13. August 31, 2007 4:07 PM

    Whaaaaat? that was a lot of peeing sha

  14. August 31, 2007 9:47 PM

    that is some crazy sturves!!hehehehehe!!!im still in shock!!!lol!!i wonder what she was thinking?

  15. September 6, 2007 9:16 AM


  16. September 6, 2007 9:15 PM

    lmaoooo uve got to be lying

  17. September 7, 2007 8:55 AM

    @ Eeveryone: I swear to God that this story is not a fabrication lol. It is definitely hard to believe though

  18. September 8, 2007 1:14 AM

    EHNNNN???? IZ A LIE!!! HABA.U mean 2 say, she could not hold it in , but was able to control dat bladder to deposit small small amounts on d bank’s properties? hahahahahhahahahah!!!!!!!!! OMG

  19. October 2, 2007 4:40 AM

    Hahaha! Abi she was telling yu people. A whole important customer. Your bank’s loss. But honestly if she bin try am for naija, person for beat am.

  20. October 2, 2007 4:40 PM

    Funny enough I checked her account information and they didn’t close her accounts at all…I guess she just too much money for the bank to let go of.

  21. October 3, 2007 6:02 AM


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